Mini ICAD art and haiku by Cheryl
I’ve been thinking about Pleasure a lot lately. It’s my Word of the Year and I feel I haven’t really given it a fair chance yet. Last year I had a fabulous (and even scary effective) Word relationship – I was very dedicated and spent time each month with practices and playing (I even made a cool book) to really let that Word teach me and expand my life. I got married and bought a new house, among other things that certainly made the word Flourishing come alive for me.
So now I’m pondering Pleasure, my Word for this year, and how I can learn more about pleasure in the next two months. Hey, it’s a tough assignment, I know!! But seriously, it can be tough. Pleasure may be seen as so wrong depending on what we’ve learned from our society, culture, religion, etc. It’s believed to be selfish, foolish or silly, sinful, lazy, wasteful, etc. But it is also what gives life its zing – its love, delight, deliciousness, reward, and joy. I have a lot to learn about pleasure still! And also about dealing with those miserly voices inside that tell me it is just so bad.
I have learned (and relearned!) some very helpful things about pleasure, and myself, over the past year. Things like:
- Each moment and each task has the potential for pleasure.
- Misery is always an option, but so is pleasure. Some of my most poignant and pleasing moments have happened in the midst of miserable times.
- Pleasure is an inside job – like most things – it comes from inside me, and the more I access it the easier it becomes to feel and enjoy it.
- I have resistance to pleasure. There is that little voice that says “Now, it wouldn’t do to feel too good.” Really?
- I’m still learning what pleasure is to me, and what it isn’t. What is assumed to be a pleasure isn’t necessarily for everyone. A gooey, rich chocolate dessert – it seems it should be a definite pleasure, but not really. A perfect autumn leaf that lands right at my feet? Well, yes!! That is pleasure for sure. (But, you know, I would take a slice of pumpkin pie…)
- Sufficient sleep is a pleasure in its own right, and sets me up for greater pleasure the rest of the day. This is true of meditation and yoga too. Often I find true pleasures are things that keep on giving.
- I also learned I don’t allow myself some pleasures because I believe in a lack of time. Can you imagine that?!
With that in mind I’m setting aside time and assigning myself a few projects and practices to help me play more with Pleasure. One is a Pleasure Jar that sits on my altar – I feed it pleasures each day. Another pleasure I’m going to pursue is to complete the ICAD project I began back in June…this is about making art one index card a day. (The image at the top of this post is one of my ICAD’s – so much fun! This idea is from the amazing Daisy Yellow.) I’m also going to create a weekly pleasure list that I will post in my Instagram feed through December. As I do this I’ll be working on those pesky mean voices that say pleasure is always bad, or I don’t have time for it. I expect to have a whole lot of fun the rest of the year, and to learn more about pleasure in my life.
Do you have a Word of the Year you want to spend more time with before the end of the year? What is your Word? I’d love to hear about it! You can contact me at email@example.com or here. Or find me on Instagram. For more ideas of ways to interact with your Word of the Year you can look here (and scroll down).
Hugs and Happy November!
By the way, my Altar Course is free and shares a creative, fun way to clarify, access & activate your dreams!
Image by Cheryl
Life lately has been – well, that is a long and winding road – let’s just say it has been intense. For most of us, I think. For me it has been transformational. When the world is changing, and you are changing, and people around you are changing – it’s hard to know where to go next, or sometimes even how to feel. You can lose track of who you are now, because that is a moving target. You can feel lost, and sad, and miserable. I know I did. As a response to all of this I’ve been on a one woman reinvention trip! I’ve invented, discovered, and revised a bunch of life tools and practices to help myself and my clients deal with the chaos of changing times.
These are simple tools. Some are short, some take longer. Each one alone is helpful, and together they are a recipe for figuring out who you are now, and loving your life more each day as you embrace a revised situation, or a revamped you. I’ll be sharing these tools one at a time over the next few months on my blog. This post is the first in the series Simple Tools for Changing Times. (If you would like to receive these posts via email you can sign up here.)
Insight Boards: A tool for getting clearer about your true self and who you are right now.
So, yes, this is a lot like a vision board only instead of looking for or emphasizing a future vision it focuses on what is true now with deeper insight. That is why I call them Insight Boards. They’re very versatile, but for this series I wanted to share how to make a board that connects with your deeper self to tell you who you are and what is up for you right now.
When I create a board I always begin with a question. Here are some examples for your Insight Board:
- Who am I, or who am I now?
- What do I need now, or over the next month?
- What is changing for me now?
- What is my foundation in life right now? What can I count on?
- What are my values now?
- What are my skills now?
My Skills Insight Board by Cheryl
Above is my most recent Insight Board. For this board my question was “What are my skills now?” I wanted to know more about what I have in my personal skill set that will help me navigate my current life situations and concerns. I wanted to ask my true self more about who I am. The process is like a visual conversation with your “still, small voice” and taps into your intuition.
So, that’s the first step – choose a question. Make it about now. What do you want to know more about? What feels confusing to you? What area of life or self could use some more clarity? Consider this and write yourself a question. And to make this really relevant to you – find a photo of you and copy it (or print it out if needed). This will go right in the center of your board. Go ahead, put it there now!
Next gather some supplies to make your Insight Board collage:
- Surface – I use 12×12 card stock. This makes a smaller board, but I can always use 2 or more pieces as needed. However, you can use anything that has a bit of stiffness to it and can hold the paper, and tape or glue.
- Magazines/catalogs/printed internet images – Use what you have, or pick up a few magazines to read and then use them for collaging. Pinterest can be a fun way to gather images, but I recommend good old paper and scissors. It’s fun to play with scissors, and paper, and glue – plus it’s a pleasing activity that you may have set aside in this computer-focused world.
- Scissors and adhesive – I use double sided tape, but glue sticks work well too.
And that’s it – simple! Next you’ll choose your images and words. My board ended up with a lot of words on it – and that’s just fine. That’s what spoke to me as I looked through my supplies. Here is how I do the process of searching:
- Find a comfy spot and grab a delicious beverage. You are here to relax and enjoy yourself! Place your magazines beside you and pick up the first one.
- Before you choose anything remind yourself of your question for the board. Now, follow your heart – this isn’t a job for thinking, or using your head – it’s for your intuition.
- Then choose words and images that resonate with your question. Don’t overthink things, or worry about having too many, or too few, or too large, or too small, etc. – choose what you feel may be an answer to your question. Or just choose what you’re drawn to, you may not know why until later. When you feel done – you’re done!
Next, let’s look through what you’ve chosen. Go through your pile of selections and start to temporarily place images on your board as you go. Trim around the images and/or words. During this second time through your images you’ll be able to tell if each piece is right, or not. I check in with my heart and if it feels right I set it on the board. Other images and words you’ll set aside. (These I save and perhaps use on another board later). Keep going through and moving the images around on the board (or boards) until you feel done and it looks pleasing to you. If I have too many images to fit on one board, then I just add another piece of card stock. Now stick everything down! You have an Insight Board!!
The next step is the “insight” part. I like to wait a day, or at least take a break, before I do this part. When you’re ready grab some paper and a pen. Sit down with your board nearby. I start in the upper left hand corner and pay attention to each item in turn. I think to myself – “Hmmm, that picture of a book, what does that tell me about my skills? Am I a writer, reader, teacher, self-help junky, good with words, etc.?” If I’m not sure what it means or is telling me I may ask it – “Hey, what do you want me to know? What message do you have for me?” These are symbols that you’ve chosen for their meaning to you – so, it is a conversation! Go through each image and word and see what you can learn from it. Write it down. Sometimes it’s the juxtaposition of images on the board that speaks to you. Just let it tell you its message. Now hang that lovely board up where you can see it and enjoy it!
The information you gain is something you can sit with, see what it suggests to you. No action may be desired, just understanding. Other times you might want to take steps based on what you’ve learned. From my skills board I was inspired to create a sanctuary for myself on my back patio, and to look more at what I am writing and reading. I was reminded that I love seasonally decorating my home but had gotten away from that lately. But the main thing the board reminded me of was the skills I have and have been told I have by others. This was something I really needed as I was feeling pretty lost, and even worthless. I actually almost didn’t choose that question because I thought to myself – I have no skills. Really? That made me laugh because, of course, we all have many skills. This practice was a great way to get in touch with myself and care for myself too.
I hope you create an Insight Board! Take time for yourself, connect with yourself, enjoy the process of making something, of looking at words and images, of losing yourself in your intuitive mind. If you have any questions about this tool, or anything, let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’d love to hear from you!
PS – I’m currently working on a free guide to making boards and the types of boards that I use for myself. Making vision, dream, or insight boards is one of my favorite tools!
Autumn Mums Bring Pleasure
What is pleasure? Now there was a question I could get behind this year! If you also like to choose a Word of the Year then you’ll know the joys (and inevitable frustrations) of embracing a word, its meaning, and also its presence in your life. When you choose a word at the beginning of the year, you don’t know what will happen that year and how that will impact what you learn from your Word. And to me that’s the best part! Seeing what life has to share with me through the lens of a chosen word.
If you’ve never chosen a Word of the Year you can learn more about it in these posts (Word post Q1, Word post Q2, Word post Q3) I never wrote the 4th post in this series last year, so, I am going to remedy that right now! In each of the previous posts I shared ways to engage with and enjoy your Word. This post is for the 4th quarter – the end – of your Word exploration. There are things that may happen at this point in your journey that could throw you off track, and I’ll talk about those. I also want to share more tools for enjoying your Word – I like lots of variety, don’t you?
If you began in January by the 4th quarter of the year you’ve spent 9 months with your Word. You know if you like it, if you’ve had fun with it, struggled with it, forgotten it, hate it, etc. All of those things and more can happen, and it’s OK. It isn’t a test – it’s a process of understanding something and whatever you learn is fine. But at this point you may also want to do something a bit different. If you’ve ignored your Word you may want to re-embrace it. Some people just want a new Word for the rest of the year. They’re done with this one, or are too frustrated to continue traveling with it. Some people want to revitalize the way they engage with their Word for the end of the year – they want new ways to play. Some want to forget all about it until December and choose a new Word for next year. It’s all good!
Regardless, this time of year I like to take look at how my Word and I have been getting along. What have I learned? What did I hope to learn, or do, when I chose this Word? Have I done that? Do I feel differently about this Word now? Have I made any changes in my life because of this Word experience? Have I grown or changed? How can I take what I have learned and enhance my life? You can ask these questions at the end of the year too, but I like to check in now so I can make changes in course, if desired.
Answering these questions may give you some idea of how you’d like to enjoy and embrace your Word for the rest of the year. It’s so helpful to just stop and see where you are with this practice. I’m usually pretty surprised at my answers because while I have been thinking about the Word and employing it I don’t always stop and see how far I’ve come. I find there are usually things I still want to accomplish related to my Word, and I still have 3 months!
If you want to keep engaging with your Word here are some ideas for more ways to play:
- Create your own challenge on Instagram or Facebook. I did this by making a list of prompts that related to my Word – Pleasure. I used words like peace, flowers, sleep, good food, etc. for my 30 day challenge on Instagram. Then you can take photographs, write a haiku, or create art that embodies how this prompt relates to your Word of the Year for you, and then share it (or not – you can always use the private setting so only you can see it). You could come up with a unique hashtag to use for this and keep adding to it as the year goes on too. You can see mine on Instagram at #tigyearofpleasure.
- Speaking of haikus, you could write one a week about an experience that week that embodied your Word of the Year. Or write another type of poetry, or you can always journal about it too. The main thing is creating a kind of writing ritual that connects you to your Word.
- Create a Word of the Year group and help each other to enjoy Word play. I like the idea of field trips! So, for example, if your Word is Grow you could all visit a garden center or a botanical garden. At the next meeting you might watch the sunrise for your friend’s Word Light, and later visit a waterfall for another friend’s Word Flow.
- You can always do field trips on your own too (or instead). One could be to the library or book store to see if there are any books that help you to understand your Word better.
- I like to look up the definition(s) of my Word and also the synonyms and write out the ones that really appeal to me. Then I may post them where I can read them or share them with an image on Instagram.
- You can have a Word date where you do things that relate to your Word for a special outing, or even for a full day. Ask yourself what activities, places, music, people, etc. feel like your Word to you. I did this last year and I began by asking myself what things felt like Flourishing to me. The list included going to a restaurant for a really fresh salad, walking around a green and growing park, listening to a fun playlist about abundance and money, and planning a business retreat. When you’re done be sure to make notes of what it was like, what you learned, how it impacted you. I’m thinking I have a Pleasure Day in my near future!
I hope you are enjoying your Word of the Year! For some reason this practice is especially meaningful to me during the last part of the year. I like being clearer about what I want from my Word, and how I can enhance my life through its wisdom. I also tend to work better with shorter deadlines! So, I get more motivated to take more tangible steps. Best wishes to you and your Word!
Lots of Love,
You can contact me at email@example.com. Or set up a free 20 minute consultation for any questions you may have, or to share your experience. I’d love to hear from you!
Art and photo by Cheryl
It has been a spell since I’ve been here writing and sharing. You know, that happens sometimes: life is busy, we don’t have anything to say, or we have too much to say, but aren’t certain how to say it. That has been my dilemma (if dilemma it is). So, here I am easing back with a favorite poem by Rumi about love – because I’ve been thinking a whole lot about love lately!
and became like blood in my body.
It rushed through my veins and
encircled my heart.
Everywhere I looked,
I saw one thing.
Love’s name written
on my limbs,
on my left palm,
on my forehead,
on the back of my neck,
on my right big toe…
Oh, my friend,
all that you see of me
is just a shell,
and the rest belongs to love.
With lots of Love from me to you,
My small business
I have a business. It is a small business. So small, that it’s basically me. That doesn’t make it a bad business, or an unsuccessful one. But it does make it personal. Anything I know, have learned, or experienced that can help – that is what I want to share. I want to share it with anyone who needs it or can use it. That is what I do. But that doesn’t tell you too much about what I really do. It certainly isn’t a niche.
For me, creating my business is an unfolding. Because my real “product” is me, naturally what I have to share is unfolding too. I can’t (and will not) tell you that I know the only or best way to do anything. That seems ludicrous to me. You are the only expert on your needs and your life. You are the only one who knows what beauty, joy, success, and happiness are to you. But that in no way precludes me from helping you. There are so many reasons a person hires a life coach, reads a blog post for ideas, needs help with a messy or scary time in their life. (This may be where the concept of niches and I part ways a bit.)
Many people are adamant about niches – and believe me – I get it!! It’s a very practical, sensible business practice, and actually works really well. I honestly wish I could say: “I do X (something amazing), for Y (my ideal clients), so they can Z (desired outcome). But what it really looks more like is: “I do X,Y,Z, for A&B, so they can…create whatever beauty, love, pleasure, healing, good in the world that is their need, or dream, or desire”. Etc.
And because my clients are unfolding, and I am unfolding, what I do doesn’t seem to fit in an easy formula. And I actually LOVE that part!! I love to help others stretch, I love to be stretched myself. I love to show up 100% present, open my heart to being guided, and have faith that whatever a client needs that day, in that situation, and going forward – that will show up in that session. And it works!! It amazes me every day how beautifully it works. But it often means that I never know, beyond coach and listener, what hats I’ll need to wear.
So, how do I distill this thing that feels like magic a client and I create together into: “I do X, for Y, so they can Z”? How do I tell you what I do quickly and meaningfully? Because a niche is really helpful to potential clients and blog readers in determining if what I offer can be of value to them.
In practice what I do is what is needed to help in that moment, with that client. Sometimes that’s honoring a story, a sadness, a success, a joy by really listening. Sometimes it’s about helping to untangle mental and/or physical messes so positive movement and freedom can be found. I may share insights or experiences that shed light on an issue. Sometimes I gently help to open up space in a limiting belief. I might help someone to figure out what the real problem is, or what their true desires are. Sometimes I’m a cheerleader, sometimes a truthsayer. I’m always a loving witness. And, yes, I have tools – awesome tools. I have processes and practices to share. Yes, I have experience and training (amazing training – thank you Martha Beck Life Coach Training). And, yes, I have always been a bit of a life coach for family, friends, and strangers. But a lot of this is “coach speak”. 🙂 So, when people ask “what do you do?” what can I say?
“I help and empower people who are open, willing, and wanting to change their lives in positive ways (profound, even), so they can continue on their divine life journey more effectively, or with greater awareness, pleasure, and freedom, and also lovingly care for the areas of their lives and, selves, that need it most.”
Hmmmm, I like it, but …obviously I’m still working on this niche thing! And sometimes the simple explanation seems too simple.
But it’s really OK, because we’re all unfolding.
One thing I do is use altars to make my dreams real! It’s fun, creative, and meaningful. Here’s a link to learn more & sign up for my free mini-course: Activating Your Dreams: An Altar Practice.
My New Moon Altar for Creating Order
Just the other day I was puttering around my house, making it pretty, finding homes for things, delighting in my home. My new husband and I moved to this house about 5 months ago and I’m still making friends with it, seeing how it feels as our home. As I was clearing surfaces and arranging some favorite items I realized that I was creating sacred space. I have a practice I do a lot to help me clarify, focus on, and activate the dreams and goals I want to make happen. That practice danced right into my interior designing – I made an altar without even thinking about it! That’s it in the picture above.
Usually when I do this I start at the “beginning” with a purpose for the altar – a desire to fulfill, or a life enhancement I want to encourage. I recently wrote a free mini-course on the subject (you can find out more about that here), so of course the process was top of mind. But this was going at it backwards! So, I wanted to figure out what this altar that made itself was actually for. It came to me pretty quickly – I was looking for help in establishing systems and order in my new home, and in my new life here. I love how my subconscious works – if I wasn’t going to make an altar for this, it would!
The usual steps would include selecting items for the altar based on what I wanted to do or learn, and what was meaningful to me in that context. But this reversal required me to look at what I’d chosen and see how these choices could inform me about this new Altar for Creating Order. Here’s what I discovered:
- Looking intuitively at the altar I first noticed the bird. I almost always have a bird on my altars, they relate to the wind element, mental energy, and I also see them as messengers. This one is sparkly and I feel it’s telling me to lighten up the way I think about systems – to keep it easy and light.
- The angel reminds me I’m not alone in this – I have helpers of all kinds available, and it reminds me to connect to God also..
- I love that little picture of the house, it’s very evocative of home for me. I think it’s message is to do what I love and enjoy, and to consider how I really want to live here, and what brings joy to my home.
- The books are about support – what systems can I use to best support myself and my family? Where can I find support? Who can I support?
- In a green, clay vase is a white rose – a bit of earth, and water, and beauty all together. All important elements of a healthy home!
- The flower shaped dish has 3 crystals that stand for love, compassion, dispelling negativity, hope, willpower and integrity – to help me in my quest.
- I always have candles on my altars! They bring warmth, and especially ignition, to the dreams each altar promotes. It relates to fire which can both enhance and destroy. Destruction of old patterns makes room for new ones. That;s help I can use!
- The artwork above the altar is one way to see paradise. I think it’s telling me to find paradise where I am right now.
I’m still pretty amazed that this altar just happened. But I’m going to care for it, and listen to what it has to tell me. I want to know how it can help me. The next step will be to journal about these insights and see how I can use that to take steps to make life in my new home easier and more delightful!
Do you make altars? How do you use them? I’d love to hear about your altar practices. Comment, or you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you want to learn more about altars and how I use them to activate my dreams check out my free mini course.
Love and Light!
Image by Cheryl Haezebroeck
There’s been a lot of ranting and raving around here lately about right and wrong. There probably always has been, but it seems to have come to a head lately, especially since the US election. I can assure you that I’ve done my share! But the pointlessness of this approach has struck me lately.
There’s so much certainty that some are right and others are wrong (not to mention ignorant, mean, racist, elitist, out of their freaking minds, etc.) and, of course, who is right and who is wrong all depends on which group you identify with. With all of the focus on various issues, I think we’re missing the point.
What is the point? I’ll leave you to decide that for yourself! But since I’m writing this I’ll tell you that my belief is that it’s bigger than immigration law and healthcare policy and the budget. I think it’s about how we see and treat each other. Standing back there seems to be a whole lot of dislike (spilling right over into hatred), contempt, and a sense of not understanding each other at all, and frankly not even wanting to – who wants to understand someone they despise? They are obviously wrong, and we’re right.
It makes me think of Martha Beck’s teaching “you spot it, you got it”, one of her most humbling lessons! It certainly opens your eyes. If you are truly disturbed by the appearance of annoying elitist assholes then you need to take a look at your own life and see where that is your approach. If you are honest you’ll be certain to see it. If you are appalled by the amazing ignorance of the “other side” – where are you ignorant? This is a remarkable (and often upsetting) lesson – that what you see you also contain. Of course it works for the “good” stuff too. Where you see love – yep, you’ve got that!!
My sense is that all of this angst and judgment is about allowing fear to be our choice. It certainly isn’t about love. In A Course in Miracles I learned that I get to choose each time between love and fear, and that ultimately, all other confusing issues aside, this is the only choice.
So, with that (rather long) explanation behind us I’ll be posting quotes this week about being “right”. They’ll be on Instagram and Facebook. Maybe one will resonate with you.
Here’s to love!
Each morning (OK, most mornings…) I ask myself this question: “Dear Higher Self, how do you want me to show up today?” Then I get quiet and listen. Spirit never lets me down, and it’s always just what I need to know for a great day. Today I woke up decidedly flat, and slow, and lacking in luster. So when I sat down with my journal and asked my daily (almost!) question I was pretty surprised to hear the word “vim”. My Higher Self would like me to show up with VIM! I had to laugh first, and then I asked Her if She was sure. Yes, indeed, show up with vim.
I’m not sure about you, but this isn’t a word I regularly use. I know it hangs out a lot with the word vigor. I like how short and decisive it is. I had a good sense of what it meant, but of course I needed to look it up. Do you do that, look up words? I love to look them up, read the definition and then look at the synonyms. And just like that, I fell in love with the word “vim”. It means energy and enthusiasm, but what really got me were the delicious synonyms – what amazing words we have made! Words like zest, brio, punch, moxie, pep, ginger, esprit, juice, gusto, oomph, zing, and verve. Wow!! I find I’m feeling better already! Ironically, the antonyms of vim were exactly how I felt when I woke up: lethargy, listlessness, torpidity.
What a difference a word makes – really!! In A Course in Miracles it says that words are symbols of symbols. So, they’re basically a couple of steps from the truth of something. And yet, they definitely have the energy of the things they represent. They’re guideposts to the realization of some inner truth. At least that’s my take on it. I think we learn the word, or hear it, or think it, and then we can feel it. And after we feel it we can be it. And I believe that all of this is ruled by choice. Our choices. Today I woke up one way (torpidity anyone??). That was a choice even though it didn’t seem like one. And then I heard a new word, I looked it up, I thought about it, I felt it, and I was given another option. A choice.
Well, I choose VIM! I love how these things work – I mean they’re like magic! I went from listlessness to gusto. It’s possible that some days listlessness is, perhaps, the better choice. I may need to rest, to check out, to not make lists! But my Higher Self knew that today I have another energy to experience. I’m really glad I asked, and listened!
Today I show up with Vim! How will you show up today?
Image by Cheryl
Last night Fear woke me up – again. Lately I’m pushing up against some old stories and beliefs that tell me what I can and can’t have. These are stories of LACK and LIMITS and UNWORTHINESS…not fun. Really! And yet, they contain gold for me if I’m willing to do some digging. So, there in the middle of the night I had a little talk with Fear. (To me Fear appears as a dark figure in a trench coat and hat, you can’t see his features, but he’s menacing, lurking in the shadows ready to pop out and wreck my day – or night, That is why I call my fear “him”.) “Fear”, I said, “I’ll talk with you in the morning. I know you want to help, but I need my sleep.” Eventually, he left me alone and I slept, but I knew this was an appointment I needed to keep.
After breakfast we sat down with a journal and a pen and began talking. This is a practice I do when I feel tense, scattered, confused, stressed. Or when I keep waking up in the night! It always helps. I start by letting Fear say his part – for as long as that takes – I write down his worries, fears, concerns, character assassinations (my character, of course), etc. At some point he begins to repeat himself and that’s when we stop. As I write I’m not judging, just listing. Sometimes an insight will come up and I note that down to come back to later.
Today Fear told me:
- I have nothing of value to offer.
- No-one likes me.
- I have no skills.
- I’ll starve and end up in a horrible place at the mercy of horrible people.
All of this (and more) keeps coming up, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. But that’s how Fear works. I actually know he cares about me, he wants to help, but his methodology is really screwed up! He thinks that by scaring me he’ll get me to stop doing new things and stretching myself. He thinks that makes me safe.
Oh, he of little faith.
Ironically, stopping assures that the worst case scenario can happen. Not to mention the hell of living with my fears as my MO in the world. No thanks!
Here are a few tools I employ to deal with the fears that come up, and how I get Fear to help me, for real. These tools will help give you some space away from your fears which allows more clarity, more sanity, more joy! Assuming your fears are here to help you can make them less upsetting and scary too. (Note: There are times just writing out my fears clears the air and I can move on – these ideas are for when that doesn’t work.)
- First, I look at each fear and see if it has helpful information for me. For example, I might look at “I have no skills” and ask what skills I feel I’m missing that would be honestly useful. It’s true there are some skills I want to take the time to learn – particularly technology skills. So, now I can schedule time to address that. Because I listened to Fear he feels better already!
- Next I search my fears for “truth”. Using the same fear as above I ask, “Is it true I have no skills, like zero?” And of course that isn’t true at all. It is something I fear though, regardless of how ludicrous it may be.
- So, next I find evidence. I look for the things I know I can do – this can start really simple (and may need to if the fear is pretty strong) like: “I am skilled at walking. I can drive like a boss. My eating abilities are amazing!” By the way – laughter is a great antidote to fear, so rock that too! Keep going with the evidence. And if you get stuck ask someone who loves you. They know your skills and will share some with you that you didn’t even know about or see.
The most important thing here is to really feel the delight of being skilled. Sense into the opposite of the fear. No one likes you – ha! Everyone you like also likes you. Feel it. You have no value? You are not just valued, you are value, inherently. We’re not dismissing or running from our fears – we’re getting honest about them. These can run in the background and mess with our ability to make good decisions for our lives. We’re acknowledging them and allowing them to be useful. That is a win-win!
- Finally, for any fears that didn’t work with the previous tools, try this…
Ask Fear, and yourself, what is this really about? Allow yourself to let the answer come up. You can say “If this happens/is true, then _______” to get more information. For example, the last fear I have listed “I’ll starve and end up in a horrible place at the mercy of horrible people” is a future-type fear. It’s practically a national-obsession-type fear. So I ask, what is this really about for me right now?
The real fear here, and in most future-type fears, is loss of something that you have now that you value. Like a safe home, a good income, a lot of amazing people you love, relative freedom, etc. These types of fears are pretty insidious because they require faith to overcome them. We can look for evidence that this has never, ever happened to you before, or that it has and you overcame it. But we also have heard cautionary tales of the horrible things that have happened to others. We might have seen it firsthand. We fear It could happen to us in the future. This can be scary stuff. They’re also the types of fears that tend to show up during times of transition in your life – when things are changing.
For these my first step is to turn it over to a Higher Power – your Higher Power of choice. I ask for help. I have faith that I am heard, and I am safe. I see and feel how safe and blessed I am right now, and I focus on that delicious feeling. I focus on how grand my life is right now. I live right here. This will (if you’re anything like me…) require repetition, and more repetition. The number of times you have allowed your self to go over and over the bad things that could happen, that is how many times you need to recall that you are safe, life is good, and you have access to just the help you need right now.
And then I have faith in myself. I see how I’ve managed to take care of myself all of my life until now, even when it wasn’t perfect it was OK. I note when I handled things well, when I overcame heartache, tragedy, sadness – knowing I can handle anything at all that I need to. I give myself credit – I know that I am the hero of my life!
Next, I ask Fear to help me by telling me why he fears this outcome. Many times when I have these fears I find there are areas of my life where I’m not giving it my best. I’m not focused, I’m not paying attention. You’ll be amazed what helpful information is running around in the back of your mind waiting for you to just give it some air time! I pay attention and then I take steps to care for myself, for my money, my home, my freedom – whatever addresses my legitimate concerns. Taking inspired action is a great way to dispel fear!
Fears are scary. That’s how they get our attention. But they’re also trying to help us. I believe that. I hope these tools are of use to you in living & creating your amazing life! If you have any questions you can contact me here or schedule a free session here. I’d love to hear from you!
Note: The information above is meant for normal fears and fearfulness. There are times when fears will not give us good information – when they’re overwhelming and too much to tackle alone. If you’re in a situation like this please contact a professional – a psychologist or other therapist can help you.
Image by Sebastien Marchand
My dear heart, never think you are better than others. Listen to their sorrows with compassion. If you want peace, don’t harbor bad thoughts, do not gossip, and don’t teach what you do not know.
Each Monday Whenever I feel like it I share a poem or quotation, an image or idea that I find lovely, or meaningful. Things that inspire and touch me. Maybe one will become your favorite too.