The Positive Aspects of What We Fear

On the road to who knows where…

{simple tools series}

The other morning I was involved in a practice I like to do a couple of times a week. I sit down with some coffee and make a list of positive aspects for negative (even scary) things – specifically, things I see as uncomfortable or miserable in my life. The process is simple: quickly create a list of 6 positive insights about this thing/person/situation that I complain about, fear, or dislike. (This idea is from the very useful book My Law of Attraction Project Planner by Pamela Thompson and Donna Hawkins). I was feeling annoyingly and sadly lost that day, so I decided to explore what beauty there is in feeling lost (since, ya know, I’m already familiar with the ugliness). Perhaps you can relate!

My Positive Aspects List for Being Lost:

  1. There is no need to give directions. You don’t have to be the tour guide, no need to control things – that’s exhausting! You can put the reins down. Yes!
  2. You can open up to what’s around you – in fact that’s a wonderful thing to do at any time – look around, be aware of and even enchanted by the path you’re on. Even seemingly scary paths have magic and delight along them.
  3. Enjoy spending some time just being befuddled, and you will see that it isn’t the end of the world to be unsure. Plus, isn’t “befuddled” an amazing word! Truthfully, I really like that I don’t always have to know exactly where I’m going.
  4. It’s the perfect time to look for signs – not stressfully and desperately (that is rarely helpful), but with curiosity and delight. What will show up? This is one of my favorite things to do anyway, but it’s especially lovely when you feel lost.
  5. Practice having faith. Know that when the time is right and you are ready that things will become clear again. Have faith in yourself and the Universe (God, Spirit, Source).
  6. Why not catch up on some sleep! You’re not going anywhere right now anyway. In fact, lack of sleep alone can lead to feelings of being lost and confused. Anyway, sleep and taking good care of yourself is always a good step when you feel less than satisfied with your life and yourself.
  7. It can also be a great opportunity to connect and ask for guidance or help. Talk and share with a wise friend. Or check in with your own higher Self for guidance. Here are a few ideas: Try bibliomancy – randomly choose a book, or a passage from a book, with the intention of being guided and see what it has to tell you. Meditation or prayer is a great way to deepen your understanding of what steps to take next on a foggy path, or to just learn that it’s OK to be lost for a bit. You could draw an oracle card (like Tarot, but there are many, many others) and see what message you discover for yourself in the cards. Journaling is another great way to connect with yourself and find answers.

You know, I had to laugh that my list segued into a list of things to DO when you’re feeling lost. And then it became a blog post! (And don’t think I haven’t noticed that another of my recent posts was also about feeling lost…it has a different approach though, so it’s all good! But you can tell where I’m at right now, huh?) I guess what I felt I needed was some action to take – even if that action is to choose inaction.

So, if you’re feeling lost you can look at my positive aspects list and see if anything there is helpful to you. There are some useful tools for when you’re feeling unhappy with how things are or unsure about what’s next.

You could also make your own positive aspects list – which I highly recommend! It helps to see that even when you really dislike something about your life you can look for what isn’t all that bad, and then you can choose which aspects of the situation you want to focus on now. I’ve done it with my messy basement, financial concerns, people who upset me, stressful events, and other situations that I get worked up about. It always helps me to find some balance, and to look at things differently – more happily, in fact!  And, of course, I sometimes even come up with ideas for things I can do to make life better. Which is something I am all about, you know!

I hope this simple tool is of help to you. I have more simple tools in other posts and you can find those here. Best wishes for a fabulous day and certainly contact me at cheryl@theintrepidgoddess.com if you want to share your journey or have any questions. I’d love to hear from you!

Love,

Cheryl

 

Helpful Things to do When You Feel Lost {or stuck, or unsure about what to do next}

my feet on the ground

Lately I’m regrouping, revising, and just plain starting over in several ways. I’m trying to get across the ground slowly, letting it support me, allowing myself to feel my way. I know that some days require lots of movement, but overall I’m trying to go slowly, be at peace, and mostly to rest and have fun while I allow clarity to come. Some days I really think this is way too hard!

I’m used to pushing, go-getting, working hard, making it happen. Or panicking, stressing & feeling paralyzed. Whew! Neither of those approaches are fun when you’re feeling lost. (Ummm, or very effective…) But they are “easy” because I’m used to them. And yet, I know that when I can let myself slow down, feel my feelings, lighten up, enjoy life, and look at the resistance, then I’m on my way to clear knowing about what to do next. Here’s what I’ve been doing to move slowly & joyfully to my next steps, and to allow the panic, fear, and resistance while not letting them stop or define me. Maybe there’s something here to help you too. I hope so!

The first thing is to not be too bossy. Bossy Girl is a fun and intuition killer, that’s for sure! Instead I check in with my desire, my heart, and I do what feels like pleasure. I let myself let go of the “rules”. I cut myself slack. I tell myself things like: “I always have plenty of time”, “I’m taking vital steps right now by relaxing and allowing my intuition to speak up”, “I’m gradually releasing all resistance and fear”, “I’ll know when the time is right”. Right now it’s time to relax and let go of the strain.

Next, I look under the bed at those monsters that keep me from moving out of my safety zone. For me the resistance is always about thoughts I’ve picked up along the way that aren’t in the least bit helpful. I used to try to change them, but often that brought up more resistance. Now, I write and write until I think I’m to the bottom of them (those beliefs of inadequacy, and idiocy, lack, and shame of failure – messy, ugly stuff). I let myself feel how crappy they feel. I accept the pain of them. And then I set them aside with love (after all, I do think they want to help me) and do something life affirming. I let them work themselves out. And usually they do! They’ll probably pop up later, but I know what to do, and each time they’re a little bit different and I know I’m getting clearer and clearer, and kinder and kinder, and that is what helps me to work with them and not be stopped.

The next part of this process is to do something life affirming. Do something that makes you feel alive, happy, and awakens the feelings of joy you expect to receive from those things you really want to do, but are feeling lost, or stuck, or unsure about. Open up to potential, and serendipity, and messages, and help. Life affirming activities will vary from person to person, and situation to situation, but here are a few things I’m doing now:

  • Listening to a LOT of Abraham-Hicks – Divine Intervention, I call it! Anything that inspires and/or calms you will do.
  • Getting back into a good self-reflective groove. For me right now this means spending time journaling, thinking, resting and thinking not at all, watching clouds go by, pulling oracle cards and seeing what they have to say to me, taking naps, making tiny art projects, listing ideas (so many ideas), and generally getting to know myself better. It’s amazing how I can lose myself in the rest of the world and other’s needs and ideas – so, time-out to focus on me.
  • Taking my sweet time….it really is sweet when I go slowly too. Why the rush anyway? I’m amazed at how fast I think I need to go. Is there plenty that needs doing? Heck yeah! Has rushing around ever meant I got it all done? No, not really.
  • Hanging out with my dear son while he’s around – delightful!!
  • Participating in August Break (a daily photography mindfulness practice) with Susannah Conway on Instagram. In fact, this post was inspired by the prompt for today’s photograph – Ground. Serendipity indeed! Such fun to engage in the photography and especially to interact with other participants. If you don’t participate in this already you may want to give it a try!

The best part for me about the process above is that now my focus is no longer on the stress and strain of “Whatever will I do next!!!”, but on the way life is gorgeous, and safe, and full of promise. Do I know yet what I’m going to do next? Nope. But each day more and more ideas come, and more and more confidence, and more and more delight, and that is how I want to live. And I have faith that the rest will come too. In fact, the last part of this process is FAITH. And when you get all worked up again remember your faith, and repeat the process as needed.

Part of making things happen is taking action, but a huge part is inspiration, and action without it is often just hard work.

Lots of love! I hope this was of help or there was an idea here that resonated. Contact me with any questions or comments, or to share your story, at cheryl@theintrepidgoddess.com. Or set up a time to talk (for free, of course) right here.

Cheryl

Being or Doing {or, you know, both}

collage by theintrepidgoddess.com

Magazine Collage by Cheryl

(Simple Tools for Changing Times)

I was talking with a client recently about how to “be” instead of constantly “do”. She wanted more peace and flow in her life. She wanted less stress about her huge list of things to do, she wanted to enjoy life more in the moment. I want those things too! How about you? Here are few little tools I shared with her, I hope they’ll be useful for you as well!

“Be” WHILE You “Do”

“Be” here right now, no matter what you are doing. Indulge in immersing yourself! It’s like the the Zen proverb “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” – you don’t have to wait or have special circumstances to “be”. Bring your whole self to a task. Don’t think ahead, plan, ruminate, or worry. It sounds a bit easier to say than do! But it’s such a relief & pleasure when you allow yourself to really get into what you’re doing right now. This is “being” as a form of focus or immersion in the present moment or task, and it’s pretty delicious!

Set a Morning Intention

How do you want to experience life today? With peace, or joy, or acceptance, or (your word here)? Choose how you want to “be”. Now, how does that feel to you? Do other words or feelings come up when you sense into this desired state? When you’re peaceful (or joyful, or accepting, etc.) how do you embody that in your life? Try a mantra: “I am _____ as I embody and embrace ____, ____, and _____. Repeat as needed – and especially feel the feels. Now, choose from your big to-do list based on how you want to feel, and at the same time feel how you want to feel no matter what you have to do! This is “being” through choice and intention.

Be Who You Are and Be OK with it…or Forgiveness 101

Who are you right now – in this moment? If you check in with your inner self often you are well, and that can be a surprise to the part of you wrapped up in a drama! But maybe you aren’t OK. It happens. I spent too much of the month of May frustrated and upset due to some ongoing dramas, but mostly I was distressed because I spent precious time in judgment of myself (and others – it kinda goes together!). I would have been a lot happier if I had just let it all be what it was. Being miserable, or angry, or catty, or sad, or whatever….you can let it be OK. Go there, feel the contrast, as Abraham says. Let it speak it’s full to you. Expression is a relief valve. What is your feeling telling you? A simple step for dealing with upsetting emotions and stories is to forgive yourself (first and foremost), but also that asshole, your parents, your spouse, etc. Just be who you are, let them be who they are, let it be OK. And if you’re feeling fabulous – please, let that “be” also! No guilt, or feeling you don’t deserve it – this is the time to revel!! This is “being” as an expression of acceptance and forgiveness, one of my favorite ways to “be”.

How Can You “Be” the One Who Loves & Cares for Yourself?

This is about “being” as a form of really caring for your own being – loving yourself. If you’re hurt or sad, how can you care for yourself? If you feel lost or angry, do you have ways to tend to your needs and address your deep concerns? You are responsible for this, no one else. For example, maybe you’re feeling like you aren’t valued. You can’t make someone value you, but you can see your value for yourself. If you aren’t willing to see your worth others may not be willing to try either. These may seem like harsh words to some of you, but the truth is they are words of freedom! “Be” what you need for yourself. You’ve got this!

The truth is “being” and “doing” are pretty interwoven in life. It’s delightful to take time to JUST BE, and I highly recommend it as something you set aside time for every day. But personally, I need more than that! So I came up with these ways to “be and do”. There are a variety of ways of “being”, choose your favorites! Or use the ones you find easy to tuck into even a busy day. Let me know what you think – I’m always excited to hear from you! You can write to me at cheryl@theintrepidgoddess.com. And I have a new FREE course to help your engage with your Word of the Year in fun and meaningful ways. I hope you sign up!

Lots of Love,

Cheryl

What the Heart Knows {simple tool series #3}

Tulip (by Cheryl)

The short version of this tool is – check in with your heart, especially when you aren’t sure. OK, go forth! But seriously, this is a practice that I use all day and every day now. It’s so ingrained that I didn’t even think of it as a “tool” when I was coming up with ideas for this series (Simple Tools for Changing Times), but it’s probably my most helpful practice of all. Your heart knows…as they say! And that is true. When you listen to your heart you’re in alignment with your values, and needs, and your true Self. It took some practice when I first began to be able to feel clearly what my heart was saying, and also to remember to actually check in.

Here are a few tips to help you to hear your heart.

Why: This tool helps you to know yourself better. It will assist you in embracing your desires, caring for your needs, and allow you to really enjoy your life! Your body and your heart know what is truly needed and desired. Your mind will get busy, confused, and lost in stories. We all have lots of “rules” and reasons for not doing what’s in our best, most joyful (and healthiest) interest, but your heart only wants you to live a life of love and joy. It’s also a great way to get clear on things that are hard to “figure out”. I love to use it for decisions – the more immediate and important the better information you’ll get.

What: I’m talking about a practice of checking in with yourself regularly and using the sensations around your heart area to let you know when you’re “on track” for you. You simply get quiet, look inside, and be aware of the feelings in your heart area. For example, when something is “right” for me I feel a softness, expansion, warmth, and a glow around my heart area. I may see a glow in my mind’s eye too. I may smile (I often smile if it’s really a good idea!), my shoulders may drop and relax, I straighten up my body, I feel expansive and lighter.

Your sensations could be different than mine, though a sense of expansion is the most common description. A way to check this is to think of something absolutely wonderful about your life now and see how your heart feels about that. This tells you your own language of the heart. Conversely, something that doesn’t feel good to your heart tends to show up as contraction, clenching, tightness, folding in (shoulders bent, etc.), tightness of breath, and even discomfort in your throat and/or stomach areas. If your heart is neutral about something that will feel, well, neutral, in your body too.

When: I use this tool all day long. It’s perfect for having a quick check in to see how you’re really doing right now. I like to make sure I’m on track with my internal wisdom. We often get all bundled up in what’s happening and forget to stop and look inside. There’s wisdom there! And the encouragement to pause and look inward, just for a moment even, makes for a much more delightful day. Plus, it feels really GOOD when your heart is happy! I want more of that!

My favorite way to use this tool is for decisions that I’m confused or distressed about. My head can go ‘round and ‘round a subject and make me crazy! But my heart generally has a good idea about what I truly want and need. I also may ask for assistance with this. You can ask your higher Self, an angel, God, or any guide to help you to understand what you are hearing, and to hear truly. Getting clear on a decision may take some practice and require quiet time and focus. The best way for me is to ask, sense, and then write – as I often get more information that way. As I write, I’ll keep checking in to make sure I’m still listening to my heart.

The responses you get aren’t really yes” or “no” answers, though sometimes you may use them that way. They tell you what is in alignment with your spirit or soul. You can do anything you choose, this is just more information to help you. I prefer to go with my heart and have made a commitment to that, but still there are times that I don’t. And following your heart may just mean finding a new approach, or altering your thinking about something and making it work for you. I may just keep making shifts or trying new ideas until it all feels “right”. This isn’t about rules or “shoulds”, but about honoring yourself and being open to what you desire and need to live a delicious and meaningful life.

Wishing you love, clarity, and lots of pleasure in this season of the heart! Drop me a line with questions or comments at cheryl@theintrepidgoddess.com (or look here). If you have a question or want more help with this practice you can go here and schedule a free 20 minute session and we’ll work on it together!

Love, Cheryl

 

Gathering Goodness [simple tools for changing times #2]

My Pleasure Jar

This is a little tool that’s very flexible. It’s a fun, easy way of gathering goodness!! I call it “The Jar” (I know, fancy!). The one I’m using now is a Pleasure Jar because I’m recording and thinking about pleasure in my life (for my Word of the Year – more about that here). It is super simple and quick, and you may have even done this before for a gratitude practice. Here’s how I like to do it:

  • Choose a jar you like (or a box works too) and find a good place to set it where you’ll see it. In the past I’ve put mine on the kitchen counter, on an altar, on my bedside table, and on my desk.
  • Cut up some little pieces of paper to write on and clip them together. Set them and a pen by the jar.
  • Choose a name for your jar. This “name” is the thing you want to gather more of – it could be pleasure, or gratitude, or your Word of the Year (like mentioned before); or it could be love, dreams, humor, lightness, beauty, intuition, support – it can be anything really. The question is what do you want to notice more of in your life? What do you want to encourage? Then name your jar, you can even put the name on your jar if you want.
  • Next you decide what you want to record – I like a bit of a formula, but you can do this however you like. My paper slips say: Today I appreciate __________, it gives me pleasure by__________. I like to begin with appreciation and then see how that offers me pleasure (or whatever I’m gathering). On the back I note the date & then slip it into the jar. Today I wrote: Today I appreciate my Instagram friends, they light up my life in so many ways and that gives me pleasure.
  • Now, consider when and how you’ll record what you’re gathering. I like to write on a slip of paper everyday and put it in the jar. Then at the end of a week I take all of the slips out and look them over. The longer you do this the more you have to look at! I usually do this for at least a month. My Pleasure Jar will be collecting goodness until the end of the year.
  • Finally, think about what you want to do with the slips of goodness you’re collecting. You may just want to look at and enjoy them each week. They’re reminders that life IS good and that things are well. That is a lovely awareness practice all on it’s own. But you can do more! I’ve created small books from them (A Collection of Pleasures). I have used them in my collage art. I’ve pulled one a day as a reminder, or like an oracle card message. This time around I’m reading them each Friday and then posting my pleasures of the week to Instagram.

I love this little practice! It’s a great way to become more aware of the beauty life offers you right now. The more you look for the things you want in life, the more you find you have them now. What a lot of satisfaction this brings! And it’s a powerful place to work from to create MORE of what you desire in your delicious life.

Happy gathering!!

Love, Cheryl

You can sign up here to receive my posts via email (I send a letter out with links and more about every two weeks). I’d love to hear from you!! On that same page you can contact me, or schedule a free coaching session.

Create an Insight Board (simple tools for changing times series #1)

Image by Cheryl

Life lately has been – well, that is a long and winding road – let’s just say it has been intense. For most of us, I think. For me it has been transformational. When the world is changing, and you are changing, and people around you are changing – it’s hard to know where to go next, or sometimes even how to feel. You can lose track of who you are now, because that is a moving target. You can feel lost, and sad, and miserable. I know I did. As a response to all of this I’ve been on a one woman reinvention trip! I’ve invented, discovered, and revised a bunch of life tools and practices to help myself and my clients deal with the chaos of changing times.  

These are simple tools. Some are short, some take longer. Each one alone is helpful, and together they are a recipe for figuring out who you are now, and loving your life more each day as you embrace a revised situation, or a revamped you. I’ll be sharing these tools one at a time over the next few months on my blog. This post is the first in the series Simple Tools for Changing Times. (If you would like to receive these posts via email you can sign up here.)

Insight Boards:  A tool for getting clearer about your true self and who you are right now.

So, yes, this is a lot like a vision board only instead of looking for or emphasizing a future vision it focuses on what is true now with deeper insight. That is why I call them Insight Boards. They’re very versatile, but for this series I wanted to share how to make a board that connects with your deeper self to tell you who you are and what is up for you right now.

When I create a board I always begin with a question. Here are some examples for your  Insight Board:

  • Who am I, or who am I now?
  • What do I need now, or over the next month?
  • What is changing for me now?
  • What is my foundation in life right now? What can I count on?
  • What are my values now?
  • What are my skills now?

My Skills Insight Board by Cheryl

Above is my most recent Insight Board. For this board my question was “What are my skills now?” I wanted to know more about what I have in my personal skill set that will help me navigate my current life situations and concerns. I wanted to ask my true self more about who I am. The process is like a visual conversation with your “still, small voice” and taps into your intuition.

So, that’s the first step – choose a question. Make it about now. What do you want to know more about? What feels confusing to you? What area of life or self could use some more clarity? Consider this and write yourself a question. And to make this really relevant to you – find a photo of you and copy it (or print it out if needed). This will go right in the center of your board. Go ahead, put it there now!

Next gather some supplies to make your Insight Board collage:

  • Surface – I use 12×12 card stock. This makes a smaller board, but I can always use 2 or more pieces as needed. However, you can use anything that has a bit of stiffness to it and can hold the paper, and tape or glue.
  • Magazines/catalogs/printed internet images – Use what you have, or pick up a few magazines to read and then use them for collaging. Pinterest can be a fun way to gather images, but I recommend good old paper and scissors. It’s fun to play with scissors, and paper, and glue – plus it’s a pleasing activity that you may have set aside in this computer-focused world.
  • Scissors and adhesive – I use double sided tape, but glue sticks work well too.

And that’s it – simple! Next you’ll choose your images and words. My board ended up with a lot of words on it – and that’s just fine. That’s what spoke to me as I looked through my supplies. Here is how I do the process of searching:

  • Find a comfy spot and grab a delicious beverage. You are here to relax and enjoy yourself! Place your magazines beside you and pick up the first one.
  • Before you choose anything remind yourself of your question for the board. Now, follow your heart – this isn’t a job for thinking, or using your head – it’s for your intuition.
  • Then choose words and images that resonate with your question. Don’t overthink things, or worry about having too many, or too few, or too large, or too small, etc. –  choose what you feel may be an answer to your question. Or just choose what you’re drawn to, you may not know why until later. When you feel done – you’re done!

Next, let’s look through what you’ve chosen. Go through your pile of selections and start to temporarily place images on your board as you go. Trim around the images and/or words. During this second time through your images you’ll be able to tell if each piece is right, or not. I check in with my heart and if it feels right I set it on the board. Other images and words you’ll set aside. (These I save and perhaps use on another board later). Keep going through and moving the images around on the board (or boards) until you feel done and it looks pleasing to you. If I have too many images to fit on one board, then I just add another piece of card stock. Now stick everything down! You have an Insight Board!!

The next step is the “insight” part. I like to wait a day, or at least take a break, before I do this part. When you’re ready grab some paper and a pen. Sit down with your board nearby. I start in the upper left hand corner and pay attention to each item in turn. I think to myself – “Hmmm, that picture of a book, what does that tell me about my skills? Am I a writer, reader, teacher, self-help junky, good with words, etc.?” If I’m not sure what it means or is telling me I may ask it – “Hey, what do you want me to know? What message do you have for me?” These are symbols that you’ve chosen for their meaning to you – so, it is a conversation! Go through each image and word and see what you can learn from it. Write it down. Sometimes it’s the juxtaposition of images on the board that speaks to you. Just let it tell you its message. Now hang that lovely board up where you can see it and enjoy it!

The information you gain is something you can sit with, see what it suggests to you. No action may be desired, just understanding. Other times you might want to take steps based on what you’ve learned. From my skills board I was inspired to create a sanctuary for myself on my back patio, and to look more at what I am writing and reading. I was reminded that I love seasonally decorating my home but had gotten away from that lately. But the main thing the board reminded me of was the skills I have and have been told I have by others. This was something I really needed as I was feeling pretty lost, and even worthless. I actually almost didn’t choose that question because I thought to myself – I have no skills. Really? That made me laugh because, of course, we all have many skills. This practice was a great way to get in touch with myself and care for myself too.

I hope you create an Insight Board! Take time for yourself, connect with yourself, enjoy the process of making something, of looking at words and images, of losing yourself in your intuitive mind. If you have any questions about this tool, or anything, let me know at cheryl@theintrepidgoddess.com. I’d love to hear from you!

Hugs,

Cheryl

PS – I’m currently working on a free guide to making boards and the types of boards that I use for myself. Making vision, dream, or insight boards is one of my favorite tools!