People are always telling me they don’t know what they want, and I know they’re unsure about it. I also know that there are plenty of reasons for shutting down or hiding your desires. Where I begin when I’m unsure is with what I don’t want. Oddly, (or not!) these ideas can be a lot easier to access. They can also be upsetting because they deal in fears, or anger, or discontent. We may believe we aren’t supposed to acknowledge them (negative thinking!), or conversely we may spend a lot of our time wrapped up in these things that cause us stress or misery. Regardless, looking at them with an open mind can help you find what you do want, guaranteed!
Sometimes we know what we want, but we have reasons for ignoring our desires. Reasons like: I don’t have the time, money, energy, etc.; I don’t know how; it would upset other people; it’s such a big change – it’s scary; I don’t know if I’d succeed; people will think I’m weird…and many more. We block our desires and even think they’re wrong or somehow impossible. We deny ourselves (and I firmly believe) the world the grace of our dreams coming true.
Recently, I was dreaming of the perfect part-time job, but honestly, I couldn’t see how I would ever find one. I knew what I didn’t want, and much of what I did, but none of the jobs I looked at were going to offer me what I desired. So, I listened to my heart and she said to turn the whole thing over to God (Source, Spirit, the Divine…) and quit worrying about it! Have faith, be patient. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not exactly a master at this type of thing! Still, I gave it my best shot. And I mostly forgot about it. My heart suggested that instead of fretting, perhaps, I could make some space in my life for this new job. So, I did. And a few days later a friend called, a friend I had actually forgotten I’d told about wanting a part-time job, and she told me about a position at a lovely place that was exactly what I was hoping for – and more. I tell you, I leaped!! And now I have the world’s best (for me) part-time job, and I’m able to be of help to my employers too. I just love win-wins!!
So how do you use what you don’t want to get what you do?
- First, take a kind look at what you really do not want to help you get clear, and to open up a dialog with your heart. (Hello Heart, I hate where I live, but I can’t see any way to change it, and I don’t know what I want either, etc. As an aside…A client of mine had these very concerns and few months after she got clear and opened up to what she wanted she was in a home she really loved!)
- Listen and ask questions, or answer the ones your heart offers you. Perhaps questions like: What do you hate? Why? Does this involve a big change, like a move, or will an update work? What do you truly want (without any censoring by that mean voice who says you can’t)? What makes your heart feel happy, warm, expansive, joyful, etc? Make yourself an “I desire” list.
- What does your heart suggest you do? If you can see a way forward – even one small step – then go for it!! Have faith the next step will come when you are ready.
- Be ready. Be open to getting what you really want. Be open to having your desires fulfilled. Open your arms (I mean really, open them wide right now!) and welcome your desires home to you. With love. And if any steps are suggested here – then do them. Like my making space in my life for a new job showed my faith and openness, you can take a step that feels good to you and signals your willingness to receive.
- Wait. We have a timing in our minds that isn’t always tied to our best outcomes. This can be where you lose faith, start to worry again, and take steps that don’t feel good (or help) at all. This is where all the reasons why it won’t work, or why you don’t deserve it, or …whatever… come up. In my story it sounds like I got clear about what I did and didn’t want, gave it over to God, and opened my arms, and then it easily happened. And that is absolutely true! But it took a while to get clear. In between, my faith wavered and wobbled. I was afraid my willingness to wait was really just a cop out, I had doubts that this would really work, etc. Hang in there!
- Relax and Reimagine while you wait. Look again at your “I desire” list. Even if your desire is fairly vague (I just want to feel better about my health), gently feel what it’s like to have that desire. Perhaps find a small step you can take. Stay open and willing. Reconnect with your faith. It’s best to keep this low key and calm. Personally, I had to keep turning it over to God and getting out of the way. You can even forget about it – yes forget!! And if you start to feel clingy and obsessed, definitely step back and find the good feelings again.
This is a process and it may even need to be repeated. Clarity can require more than one pass. Being ready is mostly about you, but there could be other factors. It can be hard to be patient and calm when you’re unhappy. I kept telling myself that I wanted a part-time job, but I’d done OK for years without one, so I knew I would be OK regardless. I also had faith that my concerns would be addressed – perhaps another job wasn’t actually the best solution – I was open to other options. This is a discovery process really, you’re finding a solution to a concern with help from the Universe and your Higher Self. Give yourself the grace of enjoying the exploration!
May all of the things we don’t want turn into things we DO want! If you have any questions, as always, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or I would love to talk with you!! Set up an appointment here and choose the free 20 minute “Getting to Know You” session (this is not a sales conversion call, it is just a 20-30 minute conversation between the two of us). I sincerely hope all of your dreams come true!